‘anonimous’ism

April 8, 2006

sa mesa habang nakikinig sa The Strokes sa Channel V

Filed under: blahblahblah, brain failure, insomnia strikes, mellon collies — anonimous @ 3:29 am

Sing bilis ng pagpagaspas ng pakpak ng isang ibong pipit ang pagtakas ng ideya sa aking isipan. Isa na siguro yun sa mga dahilan kung bakit ko pinilit na kumbisihin ang aking ina na ibili ako ng isang portable. Kapag kasi mahilig kang mag-sulat, hindi mo alam kung kailan ka tatawagin ng inspirasyon o ng isang ideya para isulat ito. Wala itong oras na pinipili, may hawak ka mang ballpen o wala, nasa harap ka man ng makinilya o hindi, may papel at lapis ka mang hawak o wala. Matagal nang paralisado ang aking kanang kamay. Ipinahinga ko na ito matapos kong matanggap ang diploma noong high school. Sa hindi ko maintindihang kadahilanan, bigla na lang nawala ang aking musa sa pagsusulat. Pilit ko mang romasahin ang panulat at papel na aking tangan ay walang lumalabas. Nakakapagsisi nga lamang dahil may mga araw na bigla na lang dadagsa ang mga ito sa aking utak at kasawiang palad ay wala akong hawak na panulat ng mga panahong yaon.

Madalas akong tambay sa isang kapehan sa kahabaan ng Katipunan. Masarap doon. Amoy usok, malamig, malambot ang mga sofa at komportable. May malamig na basong naglalaman ng mapakla at matamis na kape ang naghihintay sa aking mga labi sa tuwing ako ay naliligaw sa kapehang iyon. Sinubukan ko na rin magsulat doon. Gamit ang lapis at papel, sabi ko sa sarili ko, wala nang ideyang makakatakas sa akin ngunit sadyang mabilis ang pagdating nito at lalo na ang pag-alis. Hindi kaya ng bilis ng aking kamay ang ganoon ka elusive na thoughts.

Noong nasa mataas na paaralan ako ay madalas akong magbasa ng mga istoryang isinulat ng mga tao sa internet. Natutuwa ako sa aking mga nababasa. Puno ito ng kulay at emosyon. Dahilan doon, engayong enganyo akong magsulat. Madalas ay tungkol ito sa mga bagay na hindi ko maabot. Mga kamay na hindi ko mahawakan. Mga buhanging mabilis na tumakas sa aking limang daliring nakakuyom ng husto upang ikulong ang mga ito. Sa una pa lamang ay alam kong hanggang drawing na lang ang lahat. Kahit ilang chain letters pa man ang aking gawin, kahit ilang dasal pa man ang aking gawin wala pa ring nangyayari. Kaya nga ngayon ay hindi na ako nagfo-forward ng chain letters. Kasi sa loob ng pitong taon na pagfo-forward ng mga chain letters sa aking mga kaklase, kachat at kaibigan sa internet ay wala din namang nangyari.

Mayroong mangilan-ngilan ding pumuri sa paraan ko ng pagsusulat. Sila ay ang aking mga guro sa Ingles at sa Filipino. Ngunit masasabi ba nilang magaling ako kung hango sa karanasan ng iba ang aking isinulat? Masasabi ba nilang magaling ako kung kinuha ko ang porma ng isa pang manunulat na nabasa ko sa internet? Marahil ay hindi ang tanong at baka kasuhan pa nila ako ng plagiarismo. Ngunit kung ang mga iyon ay bawal, pano masasabi ng isang manunulat na sa kanya talaga ang kanyang isinulat gayong siya lamang ang nagsulat nito? Hindi naman talaga ito kanya. Hiram lang ang lahat ng mga ito o siguro ay mas mabuting sabihin na nakaw lamang ang lahat ng mga ito.

Hindi ako nagsusulat tungkol sa aking mga karanansan. Kasi ang tingin ko sa mga ito ay masayadong artipisyal at siguro ay aantukin lamang ang babasa ng aking isinulat. Masyado ang mga itong totoo para sa akin na hindi ko mahaluan ng piksyon at konting pangangarap. Nahihirapan akong magsinungaling dahil alam ko ang bawat detalye kaya madalas ay nagsusulat ako tungkol sa ibang taong nakapaligid sa akin. Mga taong napadaan lang. Mga taong kapalitan ng ngiti.

Ngunit namatay na ang aking musa. Nawala na ang aking panulat. Naubusan na ito ng tinta. Nakakalungkot iyon. Kung kailan ako mas pinatanda ng karanasan, saka ito nawala. Hindi na ako makasulat ng mga tula. Hindi na rin ako makasulat ng mga maiikling kwento. Marahil ay dahil wala na siya. Wala na akong nararamdaman para sa kanya. Hindi na siya importante sa aking mundo. Wala na siyang silbi. Patay na siya. Isa na lamang siyang kinalawang na bisekletang nakahandusay sa bodega sa likod ng garahe. Pilitin ko man siyang ibalik at buhayin, wala ding mangyayari dahil magiging pilit ang mga lahat ng bagay. Noong umagang iyon, hindi ko iyon inaasahan. Masyadong biglaan. Walang pasabi. Walang paalam. Tinapos niya lahat.

Pinatay niya ang aking musa.

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April 7, 2006

bakit?!

Filed under: blahblahblah, brain failure, insomnia strikes, musings, school — anonimous @ 1:53 am

@#$%ng @!$ng grade yan. lagi na lang 1.7-1.8 ang average! hindi ba ako aabot ng 1.6? nyeta naman o!

oo na tanggap ko naman, hindi naman nga talaga ako pumapasok at nag-aaral pero pano ang aking efforts?! bwiset. gusto ko pa naman sanang maging cs man lang bago grumaduate.

sa bagay, thankful na rin ako at regular pa rin ang status ko at hindi DQ or probie pero we’ll never know, baka mauwi na naman sa pagda-drop ang sem na ito at 15 units na naman ang matapos ko. pakkkeer!

April 5, 2006

whatta sem that was

Filed under: blahblahblah, fun stuff, insomnia strikes, school — anonimous @ 12:51 am

i checked my grades yesterday. i was SURPRISED. this sem was the LAMEST, MOST STUPID, LAZZIEST, LOA-ish sem i’ve ever had. but i got good grades. (good in my own standard). hahahaha average nga lang pero to think na:

1. Subject “A”: I attended all the meeting regiously before our first long exam believing that our professor diligently checks our attendance. After the first long exam, I never set foot in our classroom again. I missed the 2nd long exam, took the 3rd long exam without any idea what will the qustions be.

2. Subject “B”: Passed the papers required for the course at exactly 5:15pm. Our professor told us that that the cut off will be 5pm. Thank goodness, only the date of the submission was written on the papers submitted earlier. *whew* oh before i forgot, i lack 4 reaction papers for that subject and have incurred 4 absences. more than the limit.

3. subject “C”: i forgot to put the biblio for our final paper. i was dreading to be sued by libel last week and was fixing the biblio last night when i checked crs and POOF, my grade na ako. took 2 absences down. hahahah

4. subject “D”: eto, inc ako dito. apart from having 10 absences for once a week class, i also missed a lot of quizzes and now i have a whole year to complete the requirements and get a grade “i deserve”. (according sa prof ko)

so there, that basically sums up my hellish second sem. looking forward to be a junior. WOOHOO and i will TRY to be a good student this acad year.

aquarius, eh?

Filed under: blahblahblah, fun stuff, insomniac nights, musings — anonimous @ 12:02 am

Your True Love Is an Aquarius


Why you’ll love an Aquarius:

Independent yet devoted, you’ll appreciate the unique approach to love Aquarius takes.
You both see love as a bit of a game, and Aquarius will challenge you until you’re completely hooked.

Why an Aquarius will love you:

You’re secure enough to give Aquarius tons of space – even if it means separate interests and friends.
You have the brains to keep Aquarius engaged and curious. And the passion to change the world together!

What Sign Is Your True Love?

*super LOL

anyway, i used to have a hotness personified professor in one of my MST subjects. I realized the sentence prior to this when i took the one LAST exam for that subject. (i missed one long exam). ang cute. wahahahaha

….and marella’s going to kill me for typing the words above.

April 2, 2006

surbey muna bago trabaho 29/66?!

Filed under: blahblahblah, fun stuff, insomnia strikes — anonimous @ 2:59 am

FEAR:
[x] the dark
[ ] staying single
[x] getting married …(too early)
[x] being a parent …(too early)
[x] giving birth
[ ] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[ ] closed spaces
[ ] heights
[ ] dogs
[ ] birds
[x] spiders and/or other insects
[ ] driving or being in cars
[ ] flying
[ ] being put to sleep (anesthesia)
[ ] flowers or other plants
[ ] being touched
[ ] fire
[ ] water
[ ] the ocean
[ ] pools
[x] failure
[ ] success
[ ] germs
[ ] thunder/lightning
[x] frogs/toads
[x] mice/rats
[ ] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[x] cemeteries
[ ] clowns
[ ] large crowds
[x] demons or evil
[ ] crossing bridges
[ ] death
[ ] Hell
[ ] Heaven
[x] being robbed
[x] being sexually assulted
[x] men
[ ] women …(crazy, but sometimes it happens)
[x] having great responsibility
[x] doctors, including dentists (hindi naman talaga yung doktor. ayoko lang ng mga instruments nila. takot ako sa syringes)
[x] tornadoes
[x] hurricanes
[ ] being punished
[x] diseases, including cancer and STD’s
[x] snakes
[x] sharks
[ ] dinosaurs
[ ] Friday the 13th
[x] poverty
[x] ghosts
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains or railroads
[x] fear
[x] being alone
[x] losing my friends
[x] being blind to things
[x] being deaf
[x] growing up
[x] being murdered in my sleep
[ ] God …(its not fear,its reverence)

Repost saying: “I fear 29 out of 66 things”

wala pa namang 50% pero hindi included yung fear of entering the classroom unprepared, fear of facing your prof after being delinquent, fear of deadlines, fear of waking up the next day and you know you have an awful pile of work to do, fear of singing in front of a crowd, fear of dancing, fear of being drunk in a public place, fear of being caught smoking by my mom blahblah. madami. 😉

ze sked

Filed under: blahblahblah, brain failure, fun stuff, insomniac nights, school — anonimous @ 2:37 am

i have a schedule. i shouldn’t deviate from THIS schedule or else i will say byebye to diliman.

12-8pm Shooting for “typewriter” (eeky title. creative people, suggest a title please)

8-9pm Travel time (Krus na Ligas to Cainta)

9-12am Rest. Sleep. Eat. Rest. Sleep. Eat.

12-7am Edit the “typewriter” thing.

7-8am Breakfast. Bath.

8-12noon Do the Geog papers. (1o PAPERS!!) and the biblio for F1o2. (Nakalimutan ko yung biblio. MAKAKASUHAN pa ako ng LIBELO lech na buhay to!)

12-1pm Travel Time (Cainta-Diliman)

1-130pm Go to Ma’am LouAnn’s room. Submit the papers.

130-2pm Meet Dra.Holmes. Hand her the film.

2-3pm Travel Time (Diliman-Cainta)

3pm-9pm Rest. Sleep. Eat. Rest. Sleep. Eat.

9pm-the next day Edit Aizo’s video

tapos magkaQuiapo ako kinabukasan at kukuha ng maraming litrato. Tapos uuwi ako ng Mindoro at kukuha ng lalo pang mas maraming litrato. Tapos pag pagod na ako, magdadasal ako na sana ay ipasa ako ng mga profs ko.

Sentence of the day: Play hard. Play harder. Play hardest. Play some more. Work hard. Work harder. Work hard. Sleep. Sleep some more. Sleeeeeeeep.

baliw na ako.

April 1, 2006

Protected: mlm

Filed under: blahblahblah, brain failure, insomniac nights, mellon collies — anonimous @ 2:28 am

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Protected: (*-*)

Filed under: blahblahblah, brain failure, mellon collies — anonimous @ 2:10 am

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i hate you.

Filed under: musings — anonimous @ 1:16 am

i need a gun. sinong meron? pahiramin niyo naman ako.

March 31, 2006

did, doing, done # things for almost 18 years

Filed under: musings — anonimous @ 1:50 am

[x] I have eaten more than 5 meals a day.
[x] I have read a lot of books.
[x] I have been on some sort of varsity team.
[ ] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping.
[ ] I have been to Canada.
Total = 3

[ ] I have been to Europe.
[x] I have watched cartoons for hours.
[ ] I have tripped UP the stairs.
[x] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
[ ] I have been snowboarding/skiing.
Total = 2

[x] I have played ping pong.
[x] I swam in the ocean.
[x] I have been on a whale watch.
[x] I have seen fireworks.
Total = 4

[x] I have seen a shooting star.
[ ] I have seen a meteor shower.
[x] I have almost drowned.
[x] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.
Total = 3

[x] I have listened to one cd over & over & over again.
[ ] I have had stitches.
[x] I have been on the honor roll.
[ ] I have had frostbite.
[ ] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there
[x] I have stayed up til 2 doing homework/projects.
[ ] I currently have a job.
[ ] I have been ice skating.
[x] I have been rollerblading.
[ ] I have fallen flat on my face.
Total = 4

[x] I have tripped over my own two feet.
[x] I have been in a fist fight.
[x] I have played videogames for more than 3 hours straight.
[x] I have passed out from being drunk.
[x] I have watched power rangers.
total = 5

[ ] I do attend Church regularly.
[x] I have played truth or dare.
[x] I have already had my 16th birthday.
[x] I have already had my 17th birthday.
[x] I’ve lost weight since one year ago.
Total = 4

[x] I’ve called someone stupid. And meant it.
[x] I’ve been in a verbal argument.
[x] I’ve cried in school.
[x] I’ve played basketball on a team.
Total = 4

[ ] I’ve played baseball on a team.
[ ] I’ve played football on a team.
[x] I’ve played soccer on a team.
[ ] I’ve done cheerleading on a team.
[ ] I’ve played softball on a team.
[x] I’ve played volleyball on a team.
[ ] I’ve played tennis on a team.
[ ] I’ve been on a swim team.
[ ] I’ve been on a golf team.
Total = 2

[x] I’ve been swimming more than 20 times in my life.
[ ] I’ve bungee jumped.
[ ] I’ve climbed a rock wall.
[ ] I’ve lost more than $20.
[x] I’ve called myself an idiot.
[x] I’ve called someone else an idiot.
[x] I’ve cried myself to sleep.
[x] I’ve had (or have) pets.
Total = 5

[x] I’ve owned a spice girls cd.
[x] I’ve owned a britney spears cd.
[ ] I’ve owned an N*Sync cd.
[x] I’ve owned a backstreet boys cd.
Total = 3

[x] I’ve mooned someone.
[x] I’ve sworn at someone in authority.
[x] I’ve been in the newspaper.
[x] I’ve been on TV.
Total = 4

[ ] I’ve been to Hawaii.
[x] I’ve eaten sushi.
[x] I’ve been on the other side of a waterfall.
[x] I’ve watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies.
[x] I’ve watched all of the Harry Potter movies.
Total = 4

[ ] I’ve watched all of the Rocky movies.
[x ] I’ve watched the 3 stooges.
[x] I’ve watched “Newlyweds” Nick & Jessica.
[x] I’ve watched Looney Tunes.
[ ] I’ve been stuffed into a locker.
Total = 3

[x] I’ve been called a geek.
[x] I’ve studied hard for a test and got a bad grade.
[x] I’ve not studied at all for a test and aced it.
Total = 3

[ ] I’ve hugged my mom within the past 24 hrs.
[x] I’ve met a celebrity/music artist.
[x] I’ve written poetry.
[ ] I’ve been arrested.
Total = 2

[x] I’ve been attracted to someone much older than me.
[x] I’ve been tickled till I’ve cried.
[x] I’ve tickled someone else until they cried.
[ ] I’ve had/have siblings.
[x] I’ve been to a rock concert.
Total = 4

[x] I’ve listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
[x] I’ve been in a play.
[ ] I’ve been picked last in gym class.
[ ] I’ve been picked first in gym class.
[ ] I’ve been picked in that middle-range in gym class.
Total = 2

i have lived through 61 things.

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